Hi all,
i have fresh and but very very tremendously sad news about our beloved game - Mr Vavra cave in and to secure the funding for act2-3 (and of course for some nice fat $$$$ money checkue), he agreed to add magic and more imprtantly DRAGONS into this till now promising and great game - what a hippocrate, RIGHT???!!!
The sources claim that to not alienate the kickstarter backers, Warhorse will try to be at least a bit subtle (as if they cared about us &%!@ ) - hence e.g. not adding this magic pile of elephant dunk into the act1.
The story of this outrageous development should be following -
In act1 - there will be lot of gore & blood; in a fact - there will be SO MUCH blood (and gore) that even Australian dragons (you read right DRAGONS!!! from Australia http://goo.gl/VziiPW) will smell it and they will try to get to this red & fresh puddle of blood (and do not forget about all that gore!!!).
So they will start to dig from Australia to Bohemia. This part is also really important as all this digging and tunneling and caving will be (not so SUBLTE!!! - we are not STOOPID!!!) product placement/advertisement for (currently failing) mining business of Mr. Bakala (right now i’m SOOO apalled by THIS, bluehhh).
So anyway - during this digging (that will be much faster for those creatures, because at that time everybody believed that the Earth is flat and there is no hot smegma core) - the dragons will gain special capabilities - e.g. if one will dig through diamond area - his skin will became hard as … DIAMOND; if another will dig through Uranium, he will grow the wings and it will spit the green glue - basically think about POKEMON franchize for all those 20-year old kids…
So when these reptiles (i no longer can write that word starting with D and ending with N, still so in TEARS!!!) - they will dramatically emerge from the australian depths (and Bakalas future MINES) and they will start to ruthlessly kill all the belowed and meticulously programmed… CHICKENS!!!
To prevent this (as if anyone could prevent this FARCE, right Mr. VAVRA???!!!), the Australian shamans will remotely posses local bohemain witch so when player will visit her, she will not prepare some love drink, but a potion that will transfer his mind into battle hardened ROOSTER (i’m seriously making up this stuff not, it’s - unfortunatelly - all TRUE!!!) - think about Poyo from the Chew comics http://goo.gl/57A9Gx - so that he can avenge all his chicken lovers Sweetpea, Sandra and Mamasita (SAD, i’m just SAD).
Also the rooster will be (afro-australio-american) BLACK rooster - to address all those sissies worried about the race diversity (black rooster or not so special, so this might actually fly).
All this shall result in approximatelly 20-25 hour long quest - think about all those side-quest where the rooster will have to protect/steal the eggs from the humanoids and all other easter eggs (pun intended).
In addition to all this preposterousness, members of this doomed community will be able to buy raw or marined chicken paws ( http://goo.gl/yDktOs ) and legs in the warhorse e-shop (global deal with Warhorse KFC branded meals is also in play) - these will be much cheaper than the swords ( http://goo.gl/7TvO5y !!!).
The evidence for all this is pretty clear, also the story sticks (disgustingly) together, also Mr. Vavra was on GDC (where he definitelly presented panel about how to farm-suck naive kickstarters http://goo.gl/9YRW4G ) and he is SUSPICIOUSLY VEEEERY quiet. And also he claims to buy some new huge monstar CAR!!!
All i can say - AVENGE, PROTEST, MOURN - we cannot let happen all this HORRORS… money kills IDEAS!!!
